omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
