Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
