so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
