Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
