I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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