Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
