Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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