you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sext me about skeletons
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
