i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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