You made me cry and you don't even care
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
