you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
