OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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