We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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