I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
