I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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