I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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