"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
