Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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