Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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