So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
