if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
