We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
