You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
