I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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