That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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