Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
