i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
