i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
