im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize