I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
