I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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