Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
