You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
