i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
