Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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