Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
