Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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