something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
