Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
