i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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