I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
