I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
