I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
