her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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