At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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