but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
