I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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