Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
