I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
