pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
