Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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