He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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