She said her name was "party"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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