As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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