Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
