When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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