I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
accomplished twins. life is a go
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
