it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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