They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
