I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
