It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
