i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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