I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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