There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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