that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
