Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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